Snips and Snails or Sugar and Spice?

We go on Monday to find out if we are having a boy or girl.
Mike is pulling for a boy...you know all that coaching sports thing.
I really think its a girl.
What do you think???? Take our poll below.

What I am looking forward to

A friend asked me today what I am looking forward to about this baby.
I am a planner and Mike is sure it is a boy so we are going to find out the sex. I am convinced we are having a girl. It really doesnt matter to us we are just so happy to have this family, even for the weeks we already have! So here's my list.

~I look forward to seeing what this baby looks like, the face and the hair and all the things that make my hubby and I unique put together perfectly in another person God formed.
~I look forward to knowing his or her personality and the traits that they pick up from us.
~I look forward to seeing my husband be a father. Something he desires more than I do for him.
~I look forward to having to be selfless for someone else everyday because there are children that dont get to experience the joy of being wanted, desparately.

God is teaching me to be obedient. I know that sounds weird but its true. Be obedient in talking with and spending time with Him even when I dont feel good and want to just veg-out in bed all day. To rely on Him to change my heart and teach me patience so that the enemy has no place to hold on to.

I'm tired and nothing fits right, I have terrible skin, my nose is stuffy and bleeding, i'm starving and my tailbone hurts. Its hard growing a human, harder than I thought but its a joy everyday to be reminded of this miracle. I think I feel him or her moving every once in a while and those few seconds make it all worth it.

This morning I was brushing my teeth and thanking God for running water. When things are hard what can you find to be happy about? If you are down financially, do you have food to eat? Do you have 1 warm sweater or jacket? There is a person that asked for some help because he is sleeping under the trees. He made me be grateful for the gas in my car, shoes on my feet, flannel sheets on my bed and WARM water in my home. Nicole Nordeman sings a song called "Gratitude" makes me cry everytime, this is my favorite part.....

"Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time

Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread..."

Life...

I stole this from a friends blog. She was such a big encouragement to me when we were going through fertility testing. I find it quite fitting and will surely read it time and time again in the coming year.

Most people miss their whole lives, you know. Listen, life isn't when you are standing on top of a mountain looking at the sunset. Life isn't waiting at the altar or the moment your child is born or that time you were swimming in deep water and a dolphin came up alongside you. These are fragments. 10 or 12 grains of sand spread throughout your entire existence. These are not life. Life is brushing your teeth or making a sandwich or watching the news or waiting for the bus. Or walking. Every day, thousands of tiny events happen and if you're not watching, if you're not careful, if you don't capture them and make them count, you could miss it. You could miss your whole life." Addition by Toni Jordan

So true. Lately my hubby and I have tried to pray prayers of praise instead of asking. I feel so light after I spend time thanking God for all He has given us and not complaining about the little things. What can you thank God for today?
"Thank you God for heartburn and ever-growing body parts. Thank you for bad skin and weird pains. Thank you for tiredness, dry skin and food cravings. They all remind me of the miracle you are knitting inside me. Thank you for these daily reminders"

The Peach

We had a fun ultrasound yesterday. They were measuring the neck and checking out the growth. It was just a nice reassurance from God. The baby is about the size of a peach this week. 2.5 to 3 inches from the top of his head to the tailbone (not including legs). Since the books refer to him as a peach I say we should name him James, as in "James and the Giant Peach". No, we do not know if we are being blessed with a boy or girl yet but we both feel strongly that its a boy. A few more weeks and we will know for sure. until then....

30 years of healing

Today I turn 30. THIRTY! 30 years old. It seemed my twenties would never end and now they have. Its wierd to actually say, "I'm 30" not twenty-something.
My 20's were quite eventful. I got married just shy of 21, moved 10 times (including a brief stint in Maui) and was divorced by the time I was 26, bought and sold 2 houses then bought and kept 2 more. God called me to serve him at a church full time where I met the love of my life at 27 . The last 2 years of my 20's seemed relatively un-eventful considering the rest. Though not easy by any means they were more stable than the rest. God brought me through so much healing in the last ten years I wouldnt be the woman I am today without it all. He showed me how to forgive people even if they never ask. That forgiveness is His glory not ours, His grace not our revenge. He touched my heart and broke down the wall of hardness and protection that I had worked so hard to build. He asked me to pray blessings on the people who hurt me so badly. He took my pain and softened it so I could share it with others and ease theirs. He gave me a voice.

Perhaps the biggest lessens in healing came this summer. I havent shared this story yet because it wasnt time. The more I thought about sharing the harder it became to find the right "title". Today it seemed the most fitting. Healing. Sometimes you have to endure immense pain to see all that God has to offer, NOT that He at all causes the pain, but simply doesnt butt in and allows us to go through it. In June after months and months of anguish, anger and sadness I learned that for the 1st time I was pregnant. That little blue plus sign was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. Upon seeing it appear I immediately fell on the floor in praise and prayer. I'm still astonished to this day. I truly believed I would never in my life see a positive pregnancy test, without the help of a Doctor. Although I had prayed and begged and pleaded and yelled for it I could not believe it was actually true. I told my dear husband that night and he too was in utter amazement. You see, we were about to head for a much needed vacation to Hawaii the next week. We had been putting off our 1st fertility treatment because of the vacation. We needed to devot an entire month to this process and werent quite ready for all it would bring. We decided to go in July when we were rested and ready. This took us by complete surprise. Though the same day we confirmed it at the hospital our dear friends lost their baby. It was joy and utter sorrow all at the same time.
1 week later, the day we were set to leave for Hawaii I woke up with signs of a distressed pregnancy. I told my husband and called our hospital. They asked us to come in right away. The next 24hours I remember but seem more like a dream. The ultrasound showed nothing but the blood test was a confident positive. I didnt know what to think. I didnt know what to feel. "How could this be happening", "what if this is our only chance", "why". We did go to Hawaii but it was certainly not vacation. I spent the whole week in bed and at the Dr. There were a few happy moments but mostly I felt like I was in a steel bubble all alone. I questioned God more in that month than ever before in my life. "Why would He give me something just to take it away, thats so wrong". "Why couldnt I just be able to be happy and not have sorrow". WHY!!!

What happened next is nothing short of a miracle. Slowly through other parts that needed healing God softened my heart once again and began to show me a glimmer of His plan. Our church was going through a series on miracles and healing at the exact time I needed it. Brilliant. I shared with you that He sent me an angel I had no idea then what He was about to do. Our pastors asked us to stand if we needed healing and to consider praying for healing for others. I stood that Sunday in desperation for Him to heal my heart, it was broken in a million ways. That week I got the 1st email from that angel also praying for healing. I had NEVER before even thought that I needed physical healing. I had lived in this body my whole life and just accepted that this was the way I was made. He slowly began to change my heart and through many conversations with dear friends moved me into a place where I could take a literal leap of faith. My struggle was no longer a struggle it was a journey of faith. A path that I had been specially chosen to walk because God knew me and knew I could handle it. I prayed and asked "God, I believe you can and you will heal me. I believe that you will give us a child, I'm asking you for this with all that I am and am leaping into faith. I also believe that you will again heal my heart if you chose not to heal my body. We will love a child however you give it to us". I also took on a new daily prayer, "God, I'm doing my part, you do the rest" which has become so much more to me now.
We decided that through this new found faith we would again wait to go back to fertility treatments, friends, this was a VERY personal decision and it was what God asked US to do. We still are very grateful for every opportunity those Dr's gave us. My angel wrote the last email to me on August 3rd. She told me of her journey of faith and healing and how God had used me to help her. His plan is ALWAYS better. On August 5th I again had a positive pregnancy test. This one was a little less exciting. The joyful innocence I once had was now gone, yet it was exciting still. I think until about 2 weeks ago I was almost in denial. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop. My prayer is the only thing holding me together, "God, I'm doing my part, you do the rest". Today I am 11 weeks pregnant. We've seen the heartbeat twice, heard it once and pray for it everyday. I am far from being totally healed and I'm sure there are many more years of Gods healing. Its a journey, not a struggle but I am "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." ~Phil 1:6

30 years of healing. Thank you God for thirty years of healing. Please continue to heal me. Thank you for beating hearts and Dr's and ultrasounds. Thank you God for heartburn, stretchmarks and nausea. Thank you God for weight gain, tight pants and large blue veins. Thank you God for exhaustion and hunger. Thank you God for healing me today, please heal me tomorrow. amen. New little angel coming in April.

update....

Update #1
Sorry for leaving you in suspense. My new friend did end up miscarrying. Although very sad her words are simply amazing...here's a sneak at them "this whole thing has really brought me closer to him than i have ever been before because i have learned how to be honest in my relationship with him and how to let him love me where Im at. I learned that i cant get any place else, until I feel loved and accepted right where Im at."

What wisdom! loved and accepted right where I'm at! If only we all could experience this.

Update #2
We MOVED IN! Finally! Although definitely NOT ideal we did get moved into the new house. Theres still SO much to do at both places but I can say at this point we are making progress. We overlooked 1 small, tiny, miniscule thing in the renovations....a pantry. We re-worked the layout of the original kitchen and had intended to build a pantry in the laundry room but with everything else taking priority we forgot to measure.
Before...

After...

Our laundry machines are able to stack but I prefer them side by side. So with the machines and water heater we have a whopping 24 inches wide left for pantry shelves. So this is our make shift pantry for now!

I'm grateful for anything and it just makes me pull out my creativity! I know we have so much to be grateful for. Thank you Lord for the food that fills these shelves!
More to come later!!

Childlike faith

One little part of my job is to stand at a table on Sunday and answer questions about our church. I usually meet very interesting people but I enjoy getting to greet them and give them just a little glimpse of God's love. This Sunday was really unique. The 1st person I spoke with was a young girl, she made eye contact with me and walked straight from the exit doors to me. The words that came next continue to amaze me. She said, "is there someone who can pray with me", I said sure, I can do that whats going on? She continued, "I am pregnant and had my 1st Dr's appt last week. They told me my baby didnt have a heartbeat, but I havent yet begun to miscarry".
Through the course of our conversation I realized how much God wanted us to meet. The odds are unquestionable that it was God. I am continuing to communicate with her as she sees her Dr. this week to determine what to do. She has chosen to wait and see what God will do, there are lots of tests her Dr. is running but it seems like an eternal wait to me. She's had at least 2 ultrasounds on different days and both show no heartbeat. I dont know that I could wait like her.

What I am learning through her is childlike faith. She said she has seen her 7mo pregnant friend be told that her baby had died and when she went in the next day (after much prayer) to deliver, the baby was alive again. She believes that God can do that with her tiny baby. She just keeps saying how much more faith she has because of this. Her Dr. even told her that she can keep waiting and that he has seen "bigger miracles than this". I have had so many disappointments that it is hard for me to believe like she is. God is slowly changing this in me, shaping me into the daughter He wants me to be. A friend told me yesterday how we say we are "trusting God" but that we need to remember He is trustworthy. That shook me hard. Am I just saying I'm trusting God or am I truly believing He is trustworthy? That I should believe like her, not remembering disappointment but believing in His power that He will NOT disappoint me. And remembering when it doesnt go the way I pleaded that it is simply because He knows the future and whats best and will answer in love. THESE sermon messages have come at a desperate time for me. Listen to them, they will change you. (6/28 through 7/19)

So, if you think of her or me would you join us in praying for this miracle? Please pray for Baby G and his mama, and for faith like a child for me.